Sunday, September 11, 2011. 6:42am EST.
Somewhere in Las Vegas…
Several Professionals convened in Sin City this weekend for the first annual ‘AIN’T IT BALE NEWS SUMMIT’.
STUNTCOCK MIKE, DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD, KOUTCHBOOM, BASEMENT CHEETOH EATER, ANIMAL TRANQUILIZER, I FLUFFED HILLARY DUFF, and newly Christianed “DIRTY CHAVEZ y CHAVEZ” finally met face-to-face for a weekend of revelry, plundering, maiming, and pillaging. Their very own blend of mead was available, and flowed freely throughout the night. Some of the Professionals began imbibing sooner than others–leading to early inebriation and merriment.
Sober Sister” ABOMINABLE SNOWCONE couldn’t make the trip, having already done the family vacation thing last month. Rather, Abom hung back in Ohio and checked in with the Bale Brethren online vis-a-vis regular updates from DGDB, Stunt, Cheetoh and company. Employing the same skills used to interview rock and roll icons and big screen thespians, he phoned the guys for a late night chat. HAWAIIAN ORGAN DONOR, unable to make the trip for familial reason, also joined the call from his dank hovel, resulting in a teleconference covering most of the continental United States (Nevada, Ohio, and North Carolina). He spent the remainder of his weekend wallowing in self-pity and suicidal tendencies.
So yes, people–the Professionals are fucking real. There are brains, fists, and devilishly handsome faces behind these profile names. And now, most of ’em can say they met and knocked cocks in person.
Now, for your enjoyment, we present the exclusive audio from this amazing convergence of Baleism.
Praise His Majesty!
Note of interest (or not): Abom does NOT appear on his own recording because of the technical limitations of his LG cell and Zoom H2 recorder; the device only picked up signals from the other end of the call.