9/11/11. Las Vegas. Never Forget.

Posted by: Abominable Snowcone Posted on Posted in: , , , , , , , ,


 

Sunday, September 11, 2011. 6:42am EST.

 

Somewhere in Las Vegas…

 

Several Professionals convened in Sin City this weekend for the first annual ‘AIN’T IT BALE NEWS SUMMIT’.

STUNTCOCK MIKE, DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD, KOUTCHBOOM, BASEMENT CHEETOH EATER,  ANIMAL TRANQUILIZER, I FLUFFED HILLARY DUFF, and newly Christianed “DIRTY CHAVEZ y CHAVEZ” finally met face-to-face for a weekend of revelry, plundering, maiming, and pillaging. Their very own blend of mead was available, and flowed freely throughout the night. Some of the Professionals began imbibing sooner than others–leading to early inebriation and merriment.

Sober Sister” ABOMINABLE SNOWCONE couldn’t make the trip, having already done the family vacation thing last month. Rather, Abom hung back in Ohio and checked in with the Bale Brethren online vis-a-vis regular updates from DGDB, Stunt, Cheetoh and company. Employing the same skills used to interview rock and roll icons and big screen thespians, he phoned the guys for a late night chat. HAWAIIAN ORGAN DONOR, unable to make the trip for familial reason, also joined the call from his dank hovel, resulting in a teleconference covering most of the continental United States (Nevada, Ohio, and North Carolina). He spent the remainder of his weekend wallowing in self-pity and suicidal tendencies.

So yes, people–the Professionals are fucking real. There are brains, fists, and devilishly handsome faces behind these profile names. And now, most of ’em can say they met and knocked cocks in person.

Now, for your enjoyment, we present the exclusive audio from this amazing convergence of Baleism.

 

Praise His Majesty!

 

 

Note of interest (or not): Abom does NOT appear on his own recording because of the technical limitations of his LG cell and Zoom H2 recorder; the device only picked up signals from the other end of the call.

 

 

 


Comments (22)

  6. I’m pretty sure Stunt is on the left. The only picture I’ve seen of him is from his Hollywood trip, and he was wearing shades, but it looks the same otherwise.

  7. Faust is the closest.

    Odo…an elaborate hoax? God, I only wish that mead (and trip) was an elaborate hoax.

    No, I assure you my friends, countrymen and professionals, this went down as described. We assembled in Vegas for a Tournament of Kings, mead drinking, sparse gambling and MASSIVE orgiastic attacks of Vegas’ ubiquitous All-U-Can-Eat buffets.

    There are open questions even now….and some are downright disturbing.

  8. All The Things About AIBN I Really Needed To Know, I Learned In Vegas

    by Cheetoh

    1.) The average height of a Baleiver is about 3 inches taller than the national average.

    2.) 84% of ardent followers understand the sensual allure of tattoos. The other 16% are still actively searching for their balls.

    3.) While in Vegas, there is a 96.2% chance that any night spent with DICKBLOOD will happen in the trunk of a Suburban.

    4.) If you dress up in period costume; and most notably play the part of Merlin, Koutch will defame your family’s honor. Using F bombs. Within earshot of 30+ small children.

    5.). “I have to go take a piss” is actually code for “I’m gonna go
    missing for 14 hours so I can participate in bum fights and throw up in stairwells while blacked out”.

    6.) Mixing honey, water and yeast creates a toxic substance that
    produces the same mind-altering effects as black tar heroin.

    7.) Anyone rooming with Dirty Chavez should expect to lose the fight over “who’s sleeping in the wet spot”.

    8.) The woman at the front desk who makes extra copies of lost room keys name is Beth. We spent so much time with her that she’s asked us to be godfather to her next child.

    9.) If you leave your cellphone lying out in the open, that’s a way of
    saying “yes, it’s ok if you call my wife and ask her if she’s
    generally onboard with anal”.

    10.) A moist towelette, a diaper and an all-you-can-eat buffet are all that’s needed to survive a Zombie holocaust or a nuclear winter.

  13. Holy crap Cheetoh, how long were you all in Vegas to learn all those important life lessons. I’m surprised you all made it back alive. Sounds like everyone was a consumate professional, you have definately raised the bar for what it means to be professional.

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