***********The following email conversation

occurred on 3/24/11 between 11:01am

and 9:36pm.

featuring:

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

Basement Cheetoh Eater

Hawaiian Organ Donor

STUNTCOCK_MIKE

KOUTCHBOOM

with special guest:

Animal_Tranquilizer

(BATTLE: LOS ANGELES SPOILERS CONTAINED BELOW)

On Thu, Mar 24, 2011 at 11:01 AM, D.G. Dickblood <dannyglovers.dickblood@gmail.com> wrote:

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

You know….the fucking problem lately is pretty much every movie I like in the theater is called a video game or a “useless display of sensory overload “.

It seems to be the new complaint of anything fun.

Basement Cheetoh Eater

You nailed it.  100% true….the criticism for EVERY film now that employs special effects or a lot of action sequences is that it’s “visceral” but vacuous or empty-headed (or soulless).

The critics can go suck a goat dick.  The A-Team was a solid fun fucking time.  Avatar looked good and had many enjoyable moments.  Tron delivered on what it promised to be.  All these retroactive cunty complaints are fucking tiresome.  The movies were fun….and that’s good enough for my dollar.

Hawaiian Organ Donor

I’m tempted to give up on movies altogether.  I hate the stuff everyone raves about in recent years and love the stuff that’s almost universally panned or shrugged off.

Call me a fucking pompous douchebag, but I truly believe my tastes are becoming more demanding while the rest of the country is becoming more accepting of total shit.  All the Oscar nominated junk and the most recent crop of so-called action movies have been failures on every level.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

What? You were raving about fucking King’s Speech.
See that….selective criticism. No consistency.
I think big movies are in a bad ass place. I’ve enjoyed more films in the theater the past 4 years than  probably ever before.

Hawaiian Organ Donor

A-Team, Avatar and Tron are rare exceptions these days: event movies that actually delivered.

I’m not taking the side of critics because they are assholes too, licking the balls of stuff like True Grit and Social Network, but I do agree with them that action movies are becoming more and more mindless and soulless.  I don’t mind silly movies.  But they’ve gone beyond silly to outright moronic.

STUNTCOCK_MIKE

I disagree.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

Action films of the past 5 years have more heart and soul than any shit in the 80s. I like that stuff too but to pretend Predator is some thoughtful action movie over something like Battle LA is fucking garbage.

That’s actually a good defense against fuckers shitting on Battle. They probably all worship Predator but slam Battle for cardboard archetypes? Uhhhhh

Basement Cheetoh Eater

SANDBOX TIME!

I think sometimes we reflect on movies from our childhood (or school days) with more sentimentality than they really deserve (and that makes it tough to truly measure how films are holding up nowadays).

For example, people remember the original Star Wars series so fondly…but I can barely watch Return of the Jedi anymore.  Once they free Han from Jabba’s clutches and leave Tattooine (and start hanging out with their teddy bear army), I find that movie gets unwatchably boring – the whole Endor sequence puts me to sleep.  And as far as new sci-fi’s, I fucking loved District 9.  It puts everything it’s got on the table and leaves nothing behind.

People love on the original Indiana Jones flicks…but outside of a couple of fun sequences, I don’t watch Last Crusade at all…all the shit with the knight at the end (who speaks perfect Oxford English) just feels to lame and tacked on now.

People worship the original Tron, but fuck…I never liked that movie at all.  I haven’t seen the new one…but even the trailer looks larger in scope and more interesting than anything delivered by the original.

People worship the crime thrillers of the 70’s….and there are some amazing flicks from that time, no doubt.  But I fucking loved Eastern Promises – and despite being new, it holds up against most mafia dramas nicely.

The one genre where I really feel like flicks are inferior right now is fantasy – people blow Peter Jackson for the LOTR movies; but I don’t find any of the three come close to matching the dark tone, spartan cinematography and eerie score (and scope) of Conan the Barbarian….which I will go to my grave defending as arguably the finest fantasy ever.  Or Dragonslayer, which, with practical effects in the early 80’s, pulled off a dragon better than virtually anything out today and remains a dark mean spirited little flick with solid acting and cool sequences and sets.  Still possibly the most underrated fantasy flick of all time.  Or the glowing cinematography and costuming of Legend (even though I’m not much of a fan of that movie) – but it’s brave and gorgeously shot.  Fantasy needs an enema…and I don’t think The Hobbit is going to be the anal nozzle that gets it going again.

I guess I should also say horror is kind of fucked right now; but that’s more a factor of my personal tastes.  I hate slasher shit…I dig monster movies where someone like Rick Baker, Dick Smith, Tom Savini or Stan Winston put in some time and made something amazing.  Outside of The Wolfman, fun monsters are a rarity right now….and Underworld and Twilight have even sullied the fun of werewolves.

And zombies?  Fuck..those all look the same in the end.

At least Resident Evil is still having fun with creature design.

KOUTCHBOOM

But seriously

TRON IS THE MICHAEL MANN OF SYFY MOVIES AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT!

ONLY REAL MEN LOVE MANN!

Hawaiian Organ Donor

I’m not allowed to like one Oscar movie out of all the other overrated
shit without it being selective? That seems like a crock. I think I’m
the most unpredictable movie viewer out there. I’m much more likely to
hate something I was hoping to love.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

You’re allowed to like whatever the fuck you want. It just seems people go on with this ‘movies today all suck’ rant and then you hear them list a ton of films they’ve really dug in the last few years.

Its just weird with film and music, how it becomes the cool thing to prove CURRENT = SHIT.

KOUTCHBOOM

28 DAYS LATER BABY!!!

Thats the Zombie shit you are looking for.

28 Days Later Transformed the Zombie genre. And right now you got everything in Zombie you could possibly ask for. You just gotta look for the 28 Days Later side of the Zombie genre.

AKA

28 Days Later Comic
EVIL (some fucking Greek film pretty good)
Dead Set (British TV Show)

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

The only thing that matters is THIS FUCKING SHIT

= AMERICA

KOUTCHBOOM

I think what happened is that like from 2000 till probably the end of the LOTR trilogy or New Star Wars Trilogy or to a lesser extend the Matricies big budget movies were pretty stale.  I think when those three trilogies were running they had SOOO much shit riding on them and were suppose to be the fucking EVENTS OF THE YEAR. And like them or hate them I think they weaked cinema as a whole at the time. We (now in a post 9/11 world) in the backhalf of the last decade have bounced back from those epics and more and more shit got made because of them and since they weren’t dominating there was more room for more adventuerous shit trying to find the next gold nugget.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

with zombies that is weird…..the overexposure sucked all the cool out of them.

They’re like the one creature that should’ve never become a big mainstream staple.

Basement Cheetoh Eater

I could respect that Black Swan was well acted, but it’s actual value in terms of cinematic impact is nil.  It’ll be forgotten about within a year or two and sit in the forgotten bin of shit that everyone blew when it was released but never revisited.

But hey, it won’t be lonely in that destitute bin of despair:

– American Beauty
– The Departed
– In The Bedroom
– Sideways
– Crash
– Babel
– Working Girl

Basement Cheetoh Eater

Agreed Danny…I liked Zombies better when they would randomly appear in some weird fucked low budget shit (generally made by George Romero or some bi-polar Norwegian with a camera).  They’re getting tired now…

It’s why Resident Evil 4 moved past them…they were just background scenery.  Instead, they introduced some fucking MONSTERS.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

Yeah for RE, that was probably a wise move. Its like they foresaw what was on the way.

Still….in an alternate world where there hasn’t been a single zombie movie made in 20 fucking years— a Resident Evil in the mansion based on the first game would be unfuckingbelievable.

KOUTCHBOOM

Well thats what I’m saying. I mean you got Romeo style zombies in like every third thing coming out. You stick to those few Boyle zombies and your mint.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

Working Girl?

The Melanie Griffith joint?

I love that movie. Its one my mother’s favorites. I probably saw it 30 times by the time I was 8.

Alec Baldwin is classic sleaze in that shit.

KOUTCHBOOM

Man I watched the first half of Next 3 days last night. JESUS who is that fucking film maker?

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

If you wanna talk where cinema has taken a fucking nose-dive and failed the demographic— its women’s empowerment shit. That stuff in the 80s killed.

Looking at the consumer obsessed bitch society of today Confessions of a Shopaholic is like Working Girl for today.

Basement Cheetoh Eater

Bride Wars.

Writers HATE women nowadays.  They’re apparently all petty, self-obsessed and bitchy…and only marry when their career melts down like a Japanese nuclear reactor.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

Fucking BABY BOOM is another bad ass corporate woman movie.

Today its either shopaholic whores or dyke marines.  Those are the choices.

No wonder more and more chicks are cutting.

Basement Cheetoh Eater

Dyke marine?  There is only one true dyke marine – and she’s clam-slapping her way through EVERYTHING:

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

Don’t fuck with Michelle.

KOUTCHBOOM

Scott baby you want fantasy?

TRAIN THE FUCKING DRAGON!!!

Basement Cheetoh Eater

THE DRAGON HAS AWOKEN FROM IT’S MIGHTY SLUMBER!

I want to see that cock on a poster for “Vein of Fire”….complete with it spitting flame over Bale and Butler’s heads.

Hawaiian Organ Donor

I may be a child of the 80s, but I’m not delusional.  There was a lot of shit in the 80s.  The original Tron isn’t very good.  The new one is infinitely better.  There have been better action movies made in the past decade than were made in the 80s.  I admit it.  But the amount of action movies made has also exploded.  I’m guessing it’s at least a 3:1 ratio.  So while the A-Team is just as good, if not better, than any action movie from the 80s, there’s two other absolutely insufferable action movies to contend with.

And yes, the original Predator shits on Battle: Los Angeles.  You and Mike love it and that’s cool, but other than Eckhart, I have no idea where the soul in that movie is that you continue to refer to.  I still contend it is the worst written screenplay ever and those are the types of action films from the past several years that I’m decrying.  There’s nothing wrong with a fun movie.  But make an effort to make it memorable.  Give us one memorable line of dialog. Give us one character that we’re interested in, even if we can’t relate to them. And put one thing, just one thing in the plot that makes sense. And action/fantasy/sci-fi writers are almost incapable these days up setting up logic within their universe and then not shitting all over it.

Some of the best romantic comedies ever have come out of the past decade.  Love Actually, Definitely Maybe, What Women Want are all classics as good as anything from the so called golden age of romance.  But for every movie listed above, we have to suffer through a dozen of the most cliched, unimaginative romcoms that to call them garbage is insulting garbage.

So to sum it all up, yes, I’m the first one to defend movies these days.  When guys on AICN say shit like “2009 was the worst year for movies ever”, I tell them to shove that hyperbole up their ass.  It’s just that the majority of the event movies can’t compare to stuff from 10 and 20 years ago.  Transformers 2?  Star Trek?  Angels and Demons?  Wolverine?  I’d trade them all for one Temple of Doom or Deep Impact.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

One memorable line?  LET’S SHOW THEM WHO THEY’RE FUCKING WITH.

its on par with the eternally sucked off IF IT BLEEDS WE CAN KILL IT.

One character we’re interested in is the main fucking guy…..a selfless career Marine that’s at the end of the road, haunted by the death of his unit in Afghanistan. That one sentence is more interesting and in depth than any backstory in Predator.  The fucking guy seeing the psychologist wanting to go back into combat after suffering from post-traumatic stress, the guy about to get married, the guy about to have a baby, the virgin that signed up when he was 17 seeing battle for the first time.  Yeah sorry– that’s all more original than any character in Predator.  And I greatly prefer the look of the cast, ordinary guys with regular builds…..a lot more interesting than greased up body builders pretending to be soldiers.   If you throw out the nostalgia, Predator is basically Expendables with a fucking alien.

And yeah….Predator did a good job following the rules of its own universe because mud can completely hide all signs of body heat. That’s perfectly logical.

Hawaiian Organ Donor

I guess we have to disagree on that one.  They were all completely stock characters to me.  We get the quickest, most cliched of introductions and then are never given another reason to care about them.  At least some of the characters in Predator evolve a little and we’re made to care when they bite it.  And Jesse and the black dude have much better dialog than that if it bleeds thing.

Comparing Predator to The Expendables?  FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Basement Cheetoh Eater

The Expendables.

Gay…and proud of it.

Animal_Tranquilizer

I probably watched more movies this summer than I have in the last 10 summers and i gotta say .. I want my money back..  It’s been said several times on AIBN that “i liked the movie up until the last minutes” .. and it’s true, there have been a bunch of movies where the director took care of their movie like an expectant father, nurturing it, caring where it was, what it was doing.. then aborting the little bastard with a clothes hanger and walking off in the last two weeks of pregnancy.

*I* feel that the basic problem with movies right now is that they fail to end well, everyone wants a fucking twist at the end, or it just runs out of money and goes from brilliant CGI to Southpark at the end, I don’t know if these movies are getting late term abortions because they are written poorly, the directors are fucking morons, or the studios are meddling with the endings.. I suspect it’s a little bit of all the above.

Let me say this..It’s okay to end a movie on a happy note, people go to movies as a way to escape, go do a different world, be a secret agent, make love to the women.. there is no need to gut the movie in the last few minutes just to not be predictable, or to add a twist.. Feel Good is just FINE!  .. and I’m SICK of movies setting up for Part 2 or not ending without any closure at all (FUCK YOU CLOVERFIELD!).. I went for a story, tell me the story, and wrap it up.. if you give me a partial story, then you better expect me to partially pay at the theaters.

We have gotten used to great CGI now, it’s to the point that it’s no longer a special effect, but at first glance, it’s real.. and we expect it to act and move realistically, and when stuff is over the top, or gets funky, it becomes a distraction.. Avatar did a good job of bringing you in, and keeping you there, but again, it’s nearly ruined by it being so fucking preachy . If Directors want to make a point about climate change, or Politics. Be clear about it, donate THEIR fucking money to a cause, and stand behind it.. don’t make ME pay to see your preachy bullshit (Machete)..

oh and.. Jessica Alba needs to get nakked (for real) .. fucking tease

KOUTCHBOOM

I will say I think besides Tron and like a cockle of other films the biggest thing 80s-90s films got over 2000’s is score. Even crappy movies in the 80s has fucking awesome scores.

Hawaiian Organ Donor

WHAT DONTCHU FUCKING UNDERSTAND??????

I don’t think you’re grasping the whole concept of a writer creating a universe and sticking to it.

While you may think using mud to hide body heat is stupid (although it’s INFINITELY less fucking retarded than aliens traveling millions of light years to invade us and then engaging in a conventional ground war with even worse weaponry than we have), that was something the writer set up as logical in his universe.  And he stuck to it.  Whenever Arnie was covered in mud, he was invisible.  If he had had Arnie escape detection that first time, say “He couldn’t see me” then have Arnie all covered in mud the next encounter and the predator is now able to see him for whatever reason, then THAT would be shitting on your own logic.

An example of shitting on logic is putting in one cool scene (the only cool scene actually) of Eckhart trying to figure out a way to kill the enemy, figuring out their weak spot, saying “Hit them to the right of where the heart would be” and then every combat scene after that is nothing but Marines firing wildly at the aliens, showing the aliens getting hit all over their body and collapsing like keystone cops.  That’s the writer treating the audience like children.

STUNTCOCK_MIKE

I don’t really agree with that but I’ve had more fun at the theater over the last 8 months or so than I ever have

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

I do admit that the alien weak-spot revelation never really paid off…..they could’ve cut that bit out. But that has nothing to do with defying the rules of the universe. We don’t know what they were aiming at when they took them down. The only bit of close combat we saw was when Michelle jammed her gun into the aliens chest at the spot Eckhart specified, so it does indeed take them down fast.  They weren’t just dropping like flies as you claim, they shot those fucks 30 times and they were still standing.

The alien ground war complaint is fucking retarded. As I said before you can argue that kinda shit with any big effects movie ever made. Jesus Christ. Its just bitching for the sake of bitching. Like why watch movies. Why the fuck would Doc Brown choose a heavy ass fucking stainless steel DeLorean as a time machine when he knows its all about accelerating to a certain speed in what will probably be tense situations?  In Blade Runner…if you’re  making an army of robots to be fucking soldiers and slaves, wouldn’t you install a kill switch hooked up to some network and not just rely on a fucking expiration date….you know– just in case? You can destroy practically any film if you choose to. It proves nothing about the film itself.

You like a movie or you don’t….that’s fine. I’m just saying be honest. People need to judge films with the same lens. Not make exceptions because Arnold used to be cool in the 80s so its automatically better. Its not. The Predator script reads like it was written by a fucking retarded 9 year old. Its a fun movie….yeah. But better written? HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

And don’t fucking come back and say I shit on Predator later. I don’t. I like that movie a lot.

I’m not even necessarily saying Battle is better. Hypocrisy of critics is just annoying.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

There was one thing missing from Battle….

STUNTCOCK_MIKE

I wish I had the time to get in on this conversation but not for a few hours yet.

I will say one thing though, I’ve always hated those fucking Back To The Future movies and I always will.

Hawaiian Organ Donor

Every action/fantasy/sci-fi movie has stuff that’s illogical.  But with B:LA it was just heinous.  I could have lived with the ground war invasion if they at least made an attempt to make it anything but one-sided.  The aliens are so incompetent, from the moment that one alien has the drop on the Marine coming out of the pool and still gets its ass kicked, at no point after that did I ever feel humanity was in peril.  Sure, a couple of token Marines died, but they beat the ever-loving shit out of the enemy.  The aliens had worse weaponry, were terrible shots and were tactically retarded.  What’s the point of an alien invasion movie if at no point do you feel our heroes or humanity is in peril?

And I’ve seen it twice now, in the theater and at home and trust me, the aliens on the bridge, the ones in front of the Hummer convoy and the ones at the relay tower finale go down like punk bitches.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

Bullshit. When the bomb drop didn’t happen….the very thing that was supposed to save L.A., you didn’t feel like they were in peril? When they get to Santa Monica airport and thousands of Marines fucking vanished and the entire military infrastructure is destroyed….you didn’t feel like humans were in peril?

Okay. Whatever you say.

Hawaiian Organ Donor

And yeah, it is a better written script for the reason I mentioned in my last e-mail.  It sets up the tension like a motherfucker.  You’re thinking that any guy could get whacked at any moment and the ending could be in doubt.  That the Marines would win at the end of Battle was never in doubt.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

You have helicopters loaded with characters, some of which we saw in the opening backstory….just unexpectedly blow the fuck up and kill dozens. You have civilians dying, kids sobbing and dangling in peril, random ass characters we come to know getting blasted unexpectedly. And somehow– no one ever felt like they were in peril to you?

I don’t get it. No matter what you would hate the movie.

The Marines winning the battle at the end was never in doubt? Uhhhhh yeah. Its a fucking American movie.  Its not very orthodox to end a big feel-good effects picture with some dumb depressing shit.  Did you wonder whether or not Alan Grant was gonna fucking die in Jurassic Park?

That’s not how we roll. You’re caught up in all that yellow shit again.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

And seriously….complaining the bad guys are terrible shots– how can you possibly enjoy any action film involving guns ever made?

I’M FUCKING DONE!!!!!!!

Animal_Tranquilizer

Well you have to remember .. there is no way to make an Alien Invasion film that doesn’t end up with us just getting the ever living shit kicked out of us .. If you master space flight, i guarantee  you that you have weapons better than kinetic bullets and rocket launchers.. hell, we can’t star travel yet and we have lasers .. advanced weaponry .. if you drive an Abrams tank into the middle of an African tribe that have spears .. guess who wins.. not the guys with wood fucking spears ..

So for an alien invasion to work, they have to have a need for us to be alive .. because nuking from orbit is VERY effective at not getting your ass kicked on the ground.. Microbe and Germs..yea, aliens have never seen that before.. hell we have vehicles now that keep that crap out.. “Vulnerable spots” .. sure, we cover those up with Body armor and Helmets.. guess a space faring race hasn’t figured out how to cover a soft spot yet..

I know.. computer viruses.. bullshit.. we’ve been in the electronic age for 30-40 years.. these aliens have been fucking with it for probably 10’s of thousands if not more.. pretty sure it wouldn’t even register as a threat..

So really there is no way to make an alien invasion film where we win, if they need just the raw materials of the planet.. they don’t need us.. nuke from orbit.. reap rewards, if they want us for food.. we are fucked

Hawaiian Organ Donor

You’re talking about stuff told outside of the unit that we don’t even see on screen.  Every single confrontation with the aliens ends in either a draw or a victory for the Marines with minimal or no losses.  If they had shown the unit thoroughly getting their ass handed to them that first confrontation in the alleyway, then a seed of doubt would have been planted.

Anyway, this is pointless.  We ain’t ever going to see eye to eye.

Basement Cheetoh Eater

Tactically retarded alien invasion?

This isn’t new.  At all.

War of the Worlds
Premise: An advanced alien civilization invades…and has amazing pilots but apparently no bio-chemists since they didn’t have a single inoculation against our diseases.
Result: Death by contagion.

Independence Day
Premise: A vast alien intelligence sends ships over our major cities and launches a coordinated attack across the world using our own infrastructure to communicate.
Result: Two issues…the first being that they apparently don’t use any kind of security or air traffic control as they let two hungover humans to fly one of their ships into a mothership unabated.  Second….their entire systemic infrastructure was so weak that it was beaten by a coke can and a MacBook.

The Day The Earth Stood Still
Premise: An alien ambassador named Klaatu brings us a stern warning that our world is so violent, that a series of giant robots will stand guard against our incursion into space.
Result:  Klaatu turns out to be a pussy who’s resolve is literally toppled by some sloppy professorial kooz.

District 9
Premise:  A hive of seedy alien insect-like ‘prawns’ crashes above the worst fucking armpit in the known universe (Johannesburg); and they are seemingly incapable of flying home…or even holding down jobs but seem able to supply dangerous but unusable weapons to Nigerian gangs in exchange for hookers and catfood.
Result:  Only 2 of the 2,000,000 prawns ever musters enough brain cells to take the shuttle up to the mother ship and leave our planet.  Their fuel also has biogenic properties which turns us into a badass (but smarter) version of their own race enabling us to use their shit…and kill with reckless abandon.

Superman 2
Premise: Brilliant but evil alien General Zod invades the earth with his two henchmen…and takes over the White House forcing everyone to worship him as a dictatorial god.
Result: The other surviving member of Krypton puts a green crystal in the wrong tube and removes every ounce of power from Zod…who is smart enough to somehow break free of his flying mirror prison but not smart enough to know he shouldn’t trust the one person who really wants him fucking dead.

Predator
Premise:  Crab-like 8 foot hunters come to Earth to hunt “dangerous prey” such as soldiers and geurillas.
Result: Defeated by mud…and an Austrian accent.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

What do you mean told off screen?

Like Santa Monica airport getting fucked up? Yeah….okay. We don’t see it get fucked up, but when a group of 8 Marines show up to a flaming ghost-town and that was the main military command post this morning….that’s a little grim.  You paint this bullshit picture like humans are just kicking ass the whole time and there is never a single threat. That’s bullshit. They were on the run, up against the wall, losing men, on the defense the entire film.

Hawaiian Organ Donor

I was just saying the aliens were inferior in every way.  I don’t care if they’re bad shots but then at least give them armored vehicles.  Give them aircraft that won’t fold if you take down the relay station.  Give them one, ONE technological advancement over us.

And don’t bring up the yellow shit.  Maximus dies in Gladiator.  Hanks dies in Ryan.  Heath dies in Patriot.  So yes, American movies will kill characters you expected to live.  I never expected the aliens to win in Battle, I just expected them to put up a better fight.  We’ve been in Afghanistan for 10 fucking years without victory, but we beat an intergalactic invasion in a day.  When the Taliban is better than guys who mastered space travel, yeah, you fucking lost me.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

I don’t get the correlation between space travel and advanced weaponry. I never understand that argument.  These motherfucker cruise planet to planet….so that means they should have a device that sucks human skin off or something?

Also…your argument doesn’t work because in a matter of hours they fucking pummeled pretty much all the military in southern california. So how were they not more militarily advanced?

And if you saw something in the theater you didnt like why the fuck would you download it?

Animal_Tranquilizer

No Danny, it just blows up cows and probs our anus.. If you mastered space flight and have intent to harm another civilization, then you have probably mastered something better than bullets and and skin.. it’s the intent to do harm that drives weapon design, to do more damage with less danger to yourself, and do do more damage than your enemy .. these are the basics of war.. and if you’ve had a few thousand years to develop weapons and have the technology to span light years.. yea.. you have a weapon that suck the skin off of humans, and about 30 other fucking weapons we haven’t even dreamed of yet

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

Yeah I don’t see the connection…

The advancement of weaponry comes from experience of war…..what if they’ve never had a war or a real opponent? What if this is the first time they’ve had to actually use weaponry and they think humans are gonna be like lighting ants on fire?

I mean….WHAT IF THEY HAD NO FUCKING IDEA SOMETHING LIKE THIS EXISTED?!

Basement Cheetoh Eater

His is the chin that conquers NATIONS.

KOUTCHBOOM

Ehhh thats the thing. You don’t even know who the fucking Aliens are??

What if they are just the white trash of that alien race? Just running around shooting people, haven’t delt with anyone with any sort of capacity to kill them?

That was the thing about D9, those were just the worker bugs pretty much. Just because some species of Alien has figured out SPACE flight doesn’t mean they all figured it out. Plus its the fucking USA MARINES? Who has more will to fucking kill you than those guys?

Animal_Tranquilizer

Crypts, Bloods.. Any number of mexican gangs .. and those fucking girl scouts ..I don’t trust them.. I’ll eat their cookies, but I think they have an agenda

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

its CRIPS, white boy.

Animal_Tranquilizer

I thought that was some French dish

STUNTCOCK_MIKE

Grand Marnier Crepes. I’d let aliens invade my rectum for those.

TAKE ME

Hawaiian Organ Donor

OK, I just got back from coaching my daughter’s soccer game and I’m in too much of a good mood to keep arguing about this so this is it for the night, but I downloaded it because when I got home I saw that you and Mike had each given it five fists.  That’s perfection.  So I’m wondering, did I miss something?  So I had to watch it again.  I was trying to be objective.  And I really did want to love it.  That first trailer had me anticipating this thing like a blow job from Michelle Rodriguez.  I walked into the theater absolutely pumped.  It was just inconceivable to me that I walked out of the theater thinking that was my new champion for worst movie ever.

And you actually just won my argument about it never being in doubt that not only would we win, but we’d do it in such commanding fashion as to be completely devoid of tension.  We were using armored vehicles 150 years ago, a century before we even ventured into space.  So these must be ass backwards hillbilly aliens who have mastered intergalactic travel but haven’t gotten around to the armored vehicles yet.  Why would I invest any energy into watching buffoonish aliens who attack with walking tanks where all the gears and circuitry are completely exposed and can be easily destroyed by a grenade launcher.  Jesus, even our Hummers in Iraq are better equipped.

I actually like that they didn’t give the aliens death rays or force fields any of that Star Wars stuff.  Nothing damages flesh and steel like bullets and missiles.  But they didn’t give the aliens anything as basic as a rocket launcher or a grenade.  So four times our heroes step into the shit and four times they kick ass.  Sure they take some losses, but the unit gets away largely intact.  I know you don’t really care for Saving Private Ryan, but for a movie that was trying to emulate the chaos and tension of that movie, they really dropped the ball.  The end battle of Ryan gets it right where this one failed so spectacularly.  A unit that is outnumbered and under-equipped up against superior forces and the entire time your heart is in your throat because our heroes are getting their ass kicked, the enemy is competent and the peril is constant.

And that’s the thing about that worthless screenwriter Christopher Bertolini.  He keeps throwing stuff at us that makes no sense.  The opening lines of the movie, the general on CNN who says “This is a textbook invasion.”  No, it’s not.  In a textbook invasion you completely disable your enemies lines of communication and you bomb all their strategic points and after pounding them for days, then you send in the ground forces.  He says that the military has been decimated and yet they still have excellent lines of communication and stunningly fast intel.  And they still have fighters in the air.

Lastly, this is a men on a mission movie.  We should be meant to care about the people they were sent to rescue as soon as they find them.  The civilians are so under-developed I’m surprised you think they were worth caring about.  Moynahan (however hot) is a worthless addition, the kids never say a word and Penas speech was the sort of stuff you always lambaste in other movies.  You’re the guy who hates forced drama and everything about the civilians was forced.

Honestly, I have a feeling the only reason this movie worked for anyone at all was Eckhart.  Replace him with Damon or Pitt and suddenly you have people paying attention to the actual story instead of Eckhart’s manliness.

Anyway, the only reason I even bothered with this shit is because you guys suggested posting the whole discussion on the site and I just want to be the one fanboy in the online forum fold who offers a dissenting opinion.  And hopefully Xiphos will want to chime in because his input would be epic.

Now I haven’t had a drink all week and I’m due.  So excuse me while I open some wine and post drunken tweets.

DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

I think your whole argument sucks…but I’m still gonna post this whole motherfucker into an article.

And while talking about not caring about characters you bring up SPR? Come on. Why would anyone give a fuck about the character of Ryan? Cause he has a big smile? His character is the very reason that film is on Children of Men level….a technical exercise.

Yeah, obviously I get that there are other films with far more developed/defined characters. That’s not the focus of Battle. It has like 10 fucking pgs of dialogue in the entire thing. It still does a damn fine job of making you feel like you know these people and care about what happens to them.  Its odd to suggest SPR had some original character types. That was the most cliched shit on the fucking planet. And I never knew them or gave a fuck about them, which is weird cause it feels like they talk for 5 fucking hours. It has tons of ‘bonding’ moments that go nowhere. Like every time Burns speaks, and all that FUBAR shit. Worthless.  The thing is Battle cuts the fucking fat. They speak when something needs to be said. There’s no ‘here’s a cute story about my brother to get you to feel sorry for me’ bullshit.

Basement Cheetoh Eater

Just got back from Battle: Los Angeles.   I had to see it for myself just to get what really is driving the debate.

STUNTCOCK_MIKE

BATTLE: AIBN

One thing we can all agree on……

MUNICH IS JEW GOLD