Battle Los Angeles Starches Mike’s Slacks

Posted by: STUNTCOCK_MIKE Posted on Posted in: , , , , , , , ,

Battle Los Angeles

2011

Directed by Jonathan Liebsman

Starring Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez

SSgt. Nantz is a 20 year-in Marine who’s ready to retire. Turns out he should’ve retired a day earlier.

We begin the film 24 hours later, as the Marines are being choppered in to an LZ for as-yet unknown reasons. Cut to 24 hours earlier and we are introduced to each character one by one. We see events slowly progress around the world as the Marines do, via television. When the shit hits the fan, nobody really knows exactly what the fuck is happening but you know how it is, “First to go, last to know”. Turns out aliens are coming in from the shores after crashing into the sea disguised as pesky “meteorites”. The Marines must now do a house by house sweep and rescue any civilians before a massive air strike.

They don’t find many.

The rest of the film is a Blackhawk Down-scenario door-to-door crawl.

No, I will not tell you what happens. Why? Because it’s worth your hard earned $$$ to get your ass to a cinema to see it. There is an especially professional scene where Two Face tries to figure out how to kill one though.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

32% on Rotten Tomatoes just goes to show once again that critic’s heads are so far up there own fucking tight asses they can’t just give themselves over to something and enjoy it. This is the best movie I’ve seen this year and certainly the best film I’ve seen since Inception. Everything hit home with me, the cinematography and effects were fucking top drawer, I know what you’re saying it was all “U.S.A.U.S.A” rahrah bullshit. They’re fucking Marines, not a bunch of shoegazing cunts on a lunch break from the hipster used clothing store, whatdya expect?

People may have a problem with the simplicity of the reasoning behind why they’ve decided to colonize our planet, they need our water. Or maybe our delicious powdered drink Tang, a favorite of NASA astronauts. Or maybe they just wanted to get their hands on Bridget Moynahan and tell her to stop plucking her fucking eyebrows.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This year hasn’t been so shit hot so far for films, Drive Angry sucked scrote, The Mechanic was about 70% engaging, I quite enjoyed The Green Hornet though but I’ll put BLA at the top of my list so far this year. We’ll see how 2011 turns out. Judging by the trailers they’ve been showing, I’m less than thrilled.

Ahhh fuck that, SMILE Godammit.

Stay frosty.

5 out of 5 Fists.

Comments (9)

  1. Nice write up bro. I would disagree about the”rah rah” part but I realize that is subjective. Aaron “Butt Chin” Eckhart carried the movie like a PROFESSIONAL.

  2. I was on the fence about seeing this; as I am sick of alien fucking invasions where we don’t end up living in caves like rats and screwing our own daughters in order to repopulate the planet down the road.

    But Mike…your enthusiasm has won me over. I’ll plunk down $8 at the Matinee sometime in the next couple o weekends and view this fucker.

    Good write up…

  3. I LOVED THIS FUCKING THING.

    Sure there are a lot of the cliched/stock war-movie scenarios, and this shit reminds us why they are endlessly repeated….because when done right– they kick you in the fucking teeth.

    This is seriously my favorite military movie ever. The first time I really got behind the HOORAH shit. The Marines were never annoying dick-holes as they are in so many films. These guys are tight, efficient, and likable. This shit is just fucking fun and triumphant. Everything works. The action, effects, music and pace are all top-notch.

    Solid ending leaves you wanting more.

    Awesome theatrical experience.

    5 fists for me as well.

  5. As I mentioned to Stuntmike I wasn’t interested in seeing this at first because the trailers, for good or bad, didn’t show much. Considering how great ID$ was (yes, it was) and the blink and you miss it turd that was Skyline, I didn’t have a whole lot of interest in seeing this. Part of the reason, as Mike knows, is that money is tight, I just ran out of movie passes from Christmas, and I’m real careful about picking and choosing. But all the real critics like this because it’s badass action, and the nose in the air critics which combine to make Rotten Tomatoes can bite me.

    • I think that the Battle: LA people were pissed when Skyline came out. I have a feeling it was in the can, but rushed out to get ahead of Battle: LA. Seriously, how many people saw this trailer, and were like “hey, it looks like more of the same crap.”

      • I don’t know. I thought it was weird people brought up Skyline like it was something that mattered. I mean SURE it was funny to knock Avatar saying it was a Battle For Terra/Delgo rip off, but the second that beast dropped no one said shit. I think Skyline should’ve fallen in that same category.

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