It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a movie that made me feel like a complete fucking bad ass. Sure, many great men have graced the screen recently with movies that inspire you to RISE and go beyond, but nothing has made me truly believe I can kick the living shit out of anything and everything…..until JACK REACHER.

Now I want not to waste my words. I want to use this piece to gain a modicum of respect for myself and not take for granted all that this film has given me. It’s hard to explain how you feel right after seeing it. You are awash with giddy schoolgirl excitement and the belief in the promise that BAD ASSES STILL EXIST IN FILM.

Everything about this thing is just….right.

Tom Cruise is just pure entertainment for me. He’s only let me down once, and that was Mission Impossible 4. But looking back on that muck, Tom was just playing the game, slithering back into America’s good graces knowing full-well people would lap that shit up, cause it was easy (I just wish he didn’t have to tarnish the good name of a great franchise to get the peephole back on his side). But thankfully, that dark period was short lived, and with Reacher…..fuck, I can’t imagine anyone else in the title role.

If you happened to see Knight and Day, it’s a fun/lite action movie, one that never fully bangs it home, but it has a couple great moments. In a lot of ways, Reacher could be seen as the heavier/darker sequel to it. Cruise plays the character with a similar smoothness. It’s that, ‘First I’m gonna shake your hand, then I’m gonna bust your ass….and I’ll smile the whole way through’ persona he does so well. The big difference between Knight and Reacher is that THIS. MOVIE. FUCKING. HITS. I know it sounds cliche, but the only way to truly get my point across here is to say….IT’S FIRING ON ALL FUCKING CYLINDERS!!!!!!!!!

I mean, yeah….the trailer for this thing comes off like a beer commercial instead of a movie advertisement. After you’ve seen the film, you’ll be happy that the marketing is all shit, because all you need to understand is….IT’S FIRING ON ALL FUCKING CYLINDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Going in, clear your mind, and just remember the tag-lines… (“The law has limits. HE DOES NOT.”, “Tom Cruise is….JACK REACHER.”, “Tom Cruise va te putain botter le cul!!!!” etc.)

Also, the score….solid. Joe Kraemer truly is….FIRING ON ALL FUCKING CYLINDERS!!! He even threw in a nice little recurring theme, another rarity in this day and age. Cinematography, from the most important member of the Deschanel family…stellar.

The fucking tag-line on Caleb’s resume should be “The camera has limits. He does not.”

I like to imagine that those amazing first 10 minutes were all his idea.

And this Rosamund Pike thing, finally I understand what people are talking about when they say she’s underused in everything she does. I always liked her, so I never understood the complaint, but here….yeah, she’s awesome.

When you walk outta this thing, the first thing you ask yourself is, “What the fuck happened to all the great thrillers?” It doesn’t seem like we’ve had a truly great one since the towers fell. I know everyone likes to say these investigative CSI shows have ruined film thrillers, and even though the finale and conclusion of Reacher could be seen on any weekly episode of L & O, this thing will still be up on the fucking mantle of film prestige next to French Connection and In The Heat of The Night.

It really is a spectacular fucking film.

And my feelings may he enhanced by the fact that there so few of these type movies put out these days, but FUCK….if this thing dropped in the mid 90s, it would still shimmer like a pickle in a turd next to the 20 other lackluster thrillers released that month. Also, the 90s thrillers were Tommy’s bread and butter, so I wonder if that’s also buffing the tit. It’s good to see him home. He just feels right in the role and the genre.

The more I think about it, the more I fucking like it….and that’s rare. I mean, there’s just something about this guy that’s always been special other than the fact that his midichlorian count is off the charts. First and foremost, he knows how to pick a fucking script and he knows how to fucking entertain.

You’ll step outta Reacher feeling good, feeling strong, feeling like you could put your own head through the table as you pound that rib platter mere moments after leaving the theater.

In the wake of this most recent public shooting tragedy, remember….Jack Reacher is here for you, the great thrillers of yesteryear are not banished to the halls of nostalgia and 48fps gimmicks are not the future, GOOD STORYTELLING IS STILL KING.

And in the end, good always triumphs over evil.

 
 

Dickbloods Ex-Wife back in 2005.