There is much to like in Zack Snyder’s new “vissureal” experience called “Sucker Punch”. The problem is, there isn’t much to love.
As directors go, Zack’s always an interesting challenge. I tend to be a vehement defender of his; and sure, people can take shots at the faux homoerotic bravado and CGI-infused ’300′…but I enjoyed it for what it was: one man’s retelling of a larger-than-life tale meant to inspire his countrymen to action. And on those terms alone, I find it a fun ballet of orgiastic violence and sepia-washed cinematography (if you can call it that). I even liked The Watchmen….but perhaps because the performances stood taller than the film itself (with Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Jackie Earle Haley turning in solid memorable roles). But my favorite work of Zack’s would be ‘Dawn Of The Dead’. Rather than remaking Romero’s satirical classic, he turned it into his own exploration of survival and group politic.
But does ‘Sucker Punch’ hold the same allure as those other films? The short answer is: yes and no. It has its own voice…but that voice tends to strain in the second half as the film loses momentum and stumbles across the finish line. It gets the job done…but the journey is an awkward one filled with impressive leaps and even bigger missteps.
Suspect Karin Mackaliunas
SCRANTON PA – Authorities in Pennsylvania have arrested a 27 year old woman for reportedly smuggling over 100 items (including 54 bags of heroin and over $50 in loose change) in her fetid womb. Police say Karin Mackaliunas was arrested after a break-in at a Scranton Holiday Inn and struggled while being put into the squad car. Upon doing so, she began to leak change from her ‘gasm chasm like a slot machine. Police also found 3 heroin ampules in her jacket and a bottle of amphetamines. In shock from her arrest, the suspect admitted she was carrying additional illicit items in her person. She was rushed to a medical facility where the remainder of the 100 items was removed from her gaping freak-like crotchmaw.
Medical professionals at Mercy Hospital in Scranton were baffled by the sheer volume of objects she was able to tuck in her guapo.
As the Romanov dynasty came to a thundering close in 1917, questions naturally arose. What happened? Why had public sentiment turned against Tsar Nicholas II? Why would a Russian royal family take counsel from a shabby rambling zealot from Siberia? And, whatever happened to his penis after his assassination?
