An Intergalactic Warrior of Chaos Has Retuned to Valhalla
by Basement Cheetoh Eater and Abominable Snowcone.
A Galactic Gladiator Has Left Earth
It is with profound sorrow and heavy heart that we announce the passing of our friend and great mentor Cory Smoot (aka Flattus Maximus, lead guitarist of GWAR). Flattus, 34 in human years…..1,673,948 in galactic cycles, was found dead on the band’s tour bus after a gig in Minneapolis. There is no known cause of death at this time; but it’s widely believed that Flattus’ indomitable spirit rode the celestial World-Maggot home to prepare for the coming Ragnarok (the end of the world, to puny mortals like you and I). Minister Harold Camping is expected to release a statement later today acknowledging this as the first sign of the coming rapture he has so oft predicted.
We at AIBN have a special connection with GWAR. Their lead singer, Oderus Urungus (known on earth by the detestable nickname ‘Dave Brockie’) has given interviews to our news team; and Abom and BCE have both met him, and the band, personally. They remain an AIBN favorite…both for their refusal to sacrifice quality in the name of ‘better marketing potential’ as well as their generally vulgar but highly enlightened outlook on the futile quagmire that is the human race.
The Professionals at Ain’t It Bale News know what today is. We know what it means. We remember where we were ten years ago.
We could expound eloquently on the ramifications of “the event,” but given that most of the Brethren are at present assembled in Las Vegas for AIBN Summit 2011, Abominable Snowcone will simply defer to the link below, wherein late bass extraordinnaire Jaco Pastorius gets patriotic.
Keep the day in your own way. The terrorists haven’t won shit.
