There are movies you regret living long enough to have seen. And then there are those films that remove your zest for life and have you cursing the cruel dickbag gods for not releasing you before the fucking credits roll. Les Miserables is the latter: an excruciating (nearly) 3 hour descent into the horrors and despair of the 19th century French uprising known as the July Revolt – and the toll it took on its citizenry.
The year is 1815. It’s been 2 decades since the French Revolution and France is still a dumpster fire in terms of quality of life (less guillotines, though). People are starving….often forced into indentured slavery or prostitution (or both); and children run wild in the streets without parents and often without limbs. A petty thief (Jean Valjean) who’s spent 19 years in prison for stealing bread finally gets paroled but not before receiving a stern reprimand from a humorless, tone-deaf policeman named Jovert (stoically played by an uncomfortable and bored looking Russell Crowe). Shortly thereafter, Valjean (Hugh Jackman at his most teary-eyed and insufferable) throws caution to the wind, skips parole, steals from a church and eventually (some years later) winds up the sole caretaker of a dead hooker’s kid (with the film climaxing during the revolt of 1832) all while the bored cop hunts him relentlessly (but completely incompetently as Valjean lives out in the open pretty much 100% of the time).
I read The Hobbit for the first time when I was 11. As everyone knows, the book’s a must-own staple for young readers – with its tight editing, free-flowing poetry and song, rich characters and fast pacing. Dragons, dwarves, elves and wizards, The Hobbit defined much of the fantasy genre that exists today. And the book remains J.R.R. Tolkien’s literary masterpiece. While some die-hard fans will endlessly prattle on about the “importance” of his Lord of the Rings trilogy (or that recently discovered “Children of Hurin” nonsense – just ask those meandering cunts at TheOneRing.net), none of them embrace the joys of childhood wonder quite as well as The Hobbit. It’s a simple, beautiful story…and a timeless one.
Check back at 9 PM EST tonight for a live chat of the 1st (and only) 2012 Vice Presidential debate. Yes, most VP debates don’t move the needle at all in terms of political trajectory (and are seldom watched); but AIBN will not only give you a glorious live play by play, but we’ll opine on the moderator’s topics and all while playing a drinking game.
Political professionalism will ensue.
Your AIBN moderators for this evening will be: Dannyglovers_Dickblood (Liberal – CA), Hawaiian Organ Donor (Independent – NC) and Basement Cheetoh Eater (Libertarian – DC).
Does this fucker actually fly?
I dug this movie.
I was on a plane out to California to do some high-altitude hiking in the Cascades. I’d brought my laptop so I could watch something worthwhile (I was leaning towards Punisher: War Zone to amuse the old bat sitting to my right who kept stealing glances at my screen). But then ‘Salmon Fishing in the Yemen’ came on. I hadn’t seen it…and Lasse Halstrom has been pretty consistent in the past plus I tend to like Ewan McGregor whenever he’s not wielding a lightsaber.
Black goo? Is this The X-files?
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to see two movies. Both were called Prometheus and each lasted about an hour. The first movie was clearly a Ridley Scott joint – epic in scope, beautifully shot and offered insightful challenges to the way we think about our origins as a species.
The second movie wasn’t fit to sniff my balls.
Perhaps nothing is more interesting right now than the mystery taking place at Le Roy High School in upstate New York. It seems that as many as 14 girls are showing signs of a bizarre ailment very similar to Tourette’s Syndrome. The girls are seemingly agitated, showing nervous tics and supposedly involuntary jerking motions while swearing profusely and/or making odd sounds that they claim to have no control over.
