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Eddie Van Halen Gives Abom a Striped Sneaker Enema!
10 Feb 2012 by Abominable Snowcone / 2 Comments
It’s been fifteen years since Van Halen issued a studio album, and almost twice as long since cutting their last with the charismatic, karate-kicking howler monkey-in-leather-chaps named David Lee Roth. The Diamond One allegedly ditched the California quartet for movie stardom after touring the multiplatinum masterpiece 1984. But when his Hollywood plans fell short, Dave returned to basics, releasing the terrific, if atypical, covers EP (Crazy from the Heat) and two worthwhile full-lengths with acrobatic super-shredders Steve Vai and Billy Sheehan (Eat ‘em and Smile, Skyscraper). Meanwhile, brothers Eddie (guitar) and Alex (drums) Van Halen soldiered on with Sammy Hagar at the wheel of their hit-making motor machine. The slick 80’s “Van Hagar” sound irked some old school fans, but won over just as many new listeners; the history books attest VH achieved even more commercial success than before with the “Red Rocker.”
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ABOMINABLE SNOWCONE GOES INTO THE LAST GOOD FIGHT
03 Feb 2012 by Abominable Snowcone / 4 Comments
Director Joe Carnahan (THE A-TEAM) again summons the Olympian screen presence of Liam Neeson for epic (but existential) THE GREY, a masterful Man vs. Nature thriller that’d make tough guy authors like Ernest Hemmingway (OLD MAN AND THE SEA) and Jack London (WHITE FANG, CALL OF THE WILD) proud as peacocks.
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ABOM saw Ghost Protocol and says ‘FOURTH TIME’S A FUCK!’
14 Dec 2011 by Abominable Snowcone / 18 Comments
You know the drill: Stack the odds against veteran IMF agent Ethan Hunt and dangle him from a wire in a room or building no one’s supposed to be able to infiltrate. Have some clandestine evil threaten the global balance of power while Hunt’s own superiors disavow knowledge of his effort to stop it. Yes, Tom Cruise is back as Hunt for MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – GHOST PROTOCOL, the third sequel to the 1996 film adaptation of the popular sixties spy program.
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AIBN Remembers 9/11
10 Sep 2011 by Abominable Snowcone / 6 Comments
The Professionals at Ain’t It Bale News know what today is. We know what it means. We remember where we were ten years ago.
We could expound eloquently on the ramifications of “the event,” but given that most of the Brethren are at present assembled in Las Vegas for AIBN Summit 2011, Abominable Snowcone will simply defer to the link below, wherein late bass extraordinnaire Jaco Pastorius gets patriotic.
Keep the day in your own way. The terrorists haven’t won shit.
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Shockwave Sodomizes Chicago in TRANNIES 3: DARK SIDE OF THE BAY!!
01 Jul 2011 by Abominable Snowcone / 11 Comments
The TRANSFORMERS movies are like high-end Christmas toys that come bristling with all kinds of lights, bells, and whistles—but whose shoddy construction ensures they won’t make it past the holidays without being broken. These movies are boisterous and bright—admittedly very cool to look at and listen to at times. But TRANSFORMERS is never a memorable movie experience because the movies are, well, hollow and cheap—like trinkets from a Taiwanese sweat shop. It’s like getting a decent hand job under the bleachers in high school when you know you’ll have a much better time the following weekend, in your friend’s parents’ bedroom, with some chick you’ll meet at the party he throws when his folks are out of town.
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