This one picks up where the last one left off, which is being the best fucking action film series out there right now. Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster have sprung Vin Diesel from jail and are now fugitives on the run. They have made it to Brazil, but are waiting for Vin to catch up. It takes longer to sneak through customs when you’ve got twelve dufflebags of protein shakes. Jordana gets to show off her real life Portuguese speaking abilities, but I doubt this series will ever have an installment set at Yale University, although never say never. She’s holding a friends baby and then has to run out of the room and vomit, and the friend asks if she’s told Paul Walker yet and she says no. I thought this was weird because it’s pretty common to be sickened by the sight of small children and nothing to keep a secret about, but it turns out she herself is pregnant. Ah, movies and their depiction of pregnancy, they always remember the puking, they always forget the big swollen breasts. Once Walker hears the news he know life has changed and he’s going to have to keep them on the run forever so that she never has time to contemplate one of those non-sexy mum haircuts.
They sign up for a heist that involves stealing a car belonging to a drug lord. This series continues to define the shades of moral grey by which thieves look down on drug lords. It turns out that car had the drug lord’s favourite mixed CD in it or something so now he’s pissed. They have some scenes where the drug lord gives a lecture on colonization, in which he explains how the Portuguese dominated native peoples by bringing them gifts. He explains how he does the same thing in buying the loyalty of ghettos with basic services such as water and electricity. Later Vin Diesel fondly remembers his father forcing his religion on the neighborhood by using free food to bring them into his church. Any parallels are unintentional.
I always knew revenge begets more revenge, but I guess heists beget more heists. But the real question’s isn’t about whether these guys can heist, we fucking know they can do that shit. It’s all about the challenge to Vin Diesel’s sexy aura. We know in the first film he seduced Paul Walker from the law, but that was a long time ago. Can he still do it? Can his aura flip the loyalty of a lady cop? Can his aura also flip another male cop at the same time in one big loyalty-busting threesome? After Dwayne The Rock and Diesel’s cars crash-hump and then they fight-hump, it becomes pretty clear. But it’s going to take some real dramatic shit to win over Dwayne. I mean, this is a guy who does his research so that he can find the one clean cop in Brazil and hire her to interpret his grunts and gun shots into Portuguese.
To pull off the big heist they’re going to need almost every supporting character from the previous films (sorry Devon Aoki). That Facebook shit must be really good and not monitored by law enforcement agencies because they all make it to the meeting spot in Brazil with no trouble. Tyrese looks a bit older, he’s still cute and I’d definitely still throw him a fuck, but I wouldn’t put up with as much of his pouting and it seems Paul Walker doesn’t either. But Walker does still have the magic touch in terms of calming Tyrese’s shit down. They are all assigned roles such as driver, driver, driver, sexy driver, driver, driver watcher, and safe cracker.
Justin Lin does a solid job with this series, crafting each of his three installments with a different feel. I only know his directing from these movies. I heard he also directs some episodes of a show called Community, which I don’t think I would understand because I’m not part of any community. I applied to be in the Hispanic and Jewish communities, but got rejected. Maybe I need a better headshot or a new name. Lin is faced with a unique challenge in this one because he has to keep his PG rating so that all the kids who weren’t born when the first The Fast & The Furious came out can go see this. Normally it’s not so hard with this series because it’s all car action, but this time a lot of motherfuckers get shot. And you really are clear on the fact that they are getting shot. It’s not like that opening scene in The Dark Knight where William Fitchner is lying on the floor of that bank but no blood is coming out of him and you’re wondering if maybe The Joker didn’t actually shoot him and Fitchner just heard the gun shot noise and jumped and hit his nuts on a counter corner or something. In this movie you get some blood, but the romance is all pretty chaste, although plentiful. This is probably the flirtiest heist movie ever made.
This movie asks all the right questions. It asks how it can take that moment in Heat when Pacino and DeNiro sit down for coffee and make it bigger, dumber, and more erotic. It asks how the climax from The Gauntlet could be sillier. This is what the filmmaking process is all about kids. I was half expecting this film to end with Jordana Brewster either giving birth to a car or to Jason Statham, but of course we get a nice setup for the next one, which seems will be set in Germany. That’s a good choice, there’s cars there. I saw them when I went there on vacation.
The funny thing being, the more this series makes itself prequels to Tokyo Drift, the more it makes it seem that the Japanese drive outdated cars in that movie. By the time this series works back to Tokyo Drift, I think they’ll have to set up some sort of explanation about how after the Tsunami, the only cars that weren’t radioactive were the ones from seven years ago.
Anyway, I can’t wait for Furious Six. God bless this beautiful series.