Man I hate free screenings. I don’t see how anyone can enjoy going to these fucking things. First off, they are always at some outta-the-fuckin’-way theater and always on a weekday, so I have to adjust my work schedule to make it happen. And thanks to some asshole that created the concept of ‘lines’ back in the early 1600s, these free-loading slobs show up 2 hours before hand, therefore turning a 90 minute movie into a 3 and a half hour ordeal. And movie halls aren’t the most pleasant places to hang around for long periods of time, mind you. Now of course if you blog hard enough you’re able to obtain the coveted PRESS PASS and sit in the usually empty two front rows and roll up 3 minutes before start time. God bless those privileged few. But seriously…WHY THE FUCK DOES HOLLYWOOD CONTINUE INVESTING IN THIS WEIRD FUCKING CHARITY? Why do they do this? Why waste everyone’s time? 99% of the slimeballs that show up to these things have no fucking clue what movie they’re seeing, so who gives a shit what word they spread? I’ve heard people brag about how they haven’t paid for a movie in over 5 years…Jesus. Fuck you. Get a job. For fuck’s sake just bring back the sneak-preview system. Let me buy a ticket like a real American, bring in some fucking coin for these goddamn things. I remember virtually every major motion picture having a sneak-preview release. They need to reinstate it and force the bloggers to put their dollar where their mouth is and contribute something to society for once. But instead, I have to make the sacrifice. I have to go to these fucking filthy things and PLUNGE MY HANDS INTO THE FILTH SO YOU CAN KEEP YOURS CLEAN!

Now, I do feel bad for not getting to pay to see this film. TP….please forgive me.

Let’s begin.

Lucky for me…..this film was worth the bullshit. Just a quick slam/bam action cop-thriller. Tight. Solid pacing. In and out in an hour and a half. Like Mr. Perry himself, no fat….ALL MUSCLE. Now I know the internet is just chomping at the bit to tear Tyler a new one and deem him ineligible to be a movie star outside of his own ‘black people’ films. Of course you will see numerous tired writings just shitting on him for no apparent reason. Director Rob Cohen will also take some heat, because uhhhhhhh….he did that stupid xXx movie way back? Well yeah, xXx is possibly his worst film. It’s a toss-up between that or Stealth, but really, overall he’s got a solid career of club bangers. He’s never trying to reinvent the wheel, but his films have a natural ease and confidence and they flow well. They’re the cinematic equivalent to comfort food. Alex Cross fits solidly within his sizably firm oeuvre.

Really, Alex Cross reminded me of the revolutionary Sidney Poitier’s magnificent Mr. Tibbs Series. Moreso the second two than the first, of course. ‘They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!’ and ‘The Organization’ always struck a great balance between Tibbs’ home-life and his police work and highlighted the fact that outside of the ass pounding, first and foremost he’s a gentleman. A kind man with an authoritative presence that demands respect. Tyler nails this.

Now let’s talk about Mr. Perry for a second…I’ll admit that I was a little taken aback by the casting announcement initially. I didn’t know what to think. I watched one of his films and while the comedy made me laugh, the drama was odd. I didn’t hate it…I just didn’t fully GET IT. So I started exploring more of his work, trying to get a firm reading on this. FINALLY….I saw ‘Madea’s Witness Protection’ this past summer and I felt the power. Any randomly selected 5 minutes of that thing made me laugh more than the entirety of ‘Ted’. And I watch ‘Family Guy’ nightly. From that point on, I was interested in what the man had to say. I finally understood what I had been hearing so much about. Regular people in the real world are very fond of Tyler Perry. I’ve yet to meet a real person that didn’t like his work. It’s this bizarre internetism that mocks this guy’s achievements and shits all over the American Dream.

What it comes down to, Tyler Perry just makes me feel good. I’m glad we live in a society where he can be a success story. He has a charm and a magnetic warmth that is a unique trait in today’s world. He’s able to carry over some of that with his portrayal of Alex Cross and it’s a perfect fit. Now the dude is fucking SIX FOOT FIVE. He’s a lumbering beast, so turning him into a detective who can hold is own is pretty easy to pull off. I know we now live in this post-Avengers world where we no longer have to care about or respect our heroes, we just blindly bow down to them cause they showed up and they look pretty. Alex Cross makes you care about the guy. The movie is fucking called ALEX. CROSS. It’s not fucking TAKEN or BORING LEGACY, the power is in the title. This is a character film, focused on one guy and his struggle. We feel his pain, we fight the good fight with him. We want him to win. Now don’t get me wrong, it packs its fair share of action and thrills. By the time the credits roll, you’re just smiling thinking about the potential for further adventures with this guy. Now I’m VERY pleased Tyler got the role over Idris. I like Idris fine, but he would’ve made the film a rehash of Luther. He’s not meant for the big screen, he’s better suited for television (see his SyFy venture from earlier this year for further proof of his unremarkable big screen presences).

It’s funny, I dusted off my old emo records a couple weeks ago and I’ve been blasting stuff like Taking Back Sunday, Glassjaw, Finch and Alkaline Trio to wash the foul taste of this crappy hipster folk-rock of today outta my mouth. I needed some emotion and depth, not fucking lullabies. Alex Cross in many ways is a throwback to the lovely cop films of yesteryear. If you’ve seen the trailer, you pretty much know the whole movie, and that’s fine. I like that from time to time. There are a few nice surprises here and there to add a little pizzazz, but for the most part you’re not going for the twists….you’re going for the performances. Unfortunately, the Matthew Fox role seems to be a little trimmed down. He’s really good in the scenes he’s given, I just wish we got a little more. Of course, the pimple-dicks will say ‘imagine if someone like Fincher directed this…bla bla bla…” Well yeah, that could’ve been nice too. I would’ve enjoyed a 3 hour nap. You see, Fox elevates the serial killer role to fun campy extremes. There are two legendary exchanges between he and Cross. One climaxes with a great line read directly into the fucking camera! Also, the lead-up to the final fight was a unique take on a tired idea. I just wish there was a little more build to Fox going after Perry. This is purely for my indulgence though. It’s possible with another few minutes added on to the runtime, the perfect balance would’ve been knocked off kilter and it would’ve overstayed its welcome. It’s just that Fox was so damn good in the role, you can’t help but want more of him.

HOLY SHIT VINCENT GALLO!

Now Todd McCarthy bitched about the final fight between Fox and Perry, calling it a contender for “…the worst major fight scene ever to grace a major motion picture.” Obviously, as long as The Avengers still exists, he’s wrong. The final brawl is pretty damn awesome, second only this year to BANE VS. BATMAN. It’s heavy and raw and takes place in an interesting setting. There’s just one issue, someone ran the final fight through a shaky-cam filter on FULL BLAST. It was highly distracting and I don’t understand why Cohen did it. Were they worried about the audience not buying Tyler going mano-a-mano with Fox who was ripped as shit? I think Tyler proved just fine in the opening scene, we should buy him as a slugger. It’s a bit of a shame though. You can see a solid fight in there somewhere, clouded by the aggressive and out of place camera-work. And it’s only in that ONE SCENE. Maybe the regular DP was sick? Fuck. Who knows?

Final note: If you care about your heroes, enjoy nice buddy camaraderie (I didn’t even get into the fact that Ed Burns and Tyler Perry go together like peanut butter and dark chocolate), find over the top serial killers fun, or miss the good ole fashion cop thrillers of better days past, then this is your kinda jazz. I really hope the Tyler faithfuls show up in droves. And I really hope people start recognizing the fact that Rob Cohen pretty much gave birth to Vin Diesel.

I’d love to see the further adventures of Tyler’s Cross.

Now that Batman is gone, the world needs another hero.