BEJING. Twenty-seven are dead and six in critical condition after Academy Award-winning actor Christian Bale throttled a cadre of armed security guards who tried blocking his visit to the home of oppressed Chinese activist Chen Guangcheng earlier this week.
The Handsome Dark Knight star—who won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor last February for his portrayal of a crack-addled ex-boxer in The Fighter—was preparing to leave China after a promotional tour for Zhang Yimou film The Flowers of War when he decided to stop by the home of the blind humanitarian.
Chen has been forcibly detained in his Shandong village home after he allegedly disrupted traffic during a demonstration earlier this year. The self-taught lawyer has been a target of the Communist-based Chinese government for years because of his harsh criticism of the state’s efforts to control population with mandatory sterilizations and abortions.
“What I really wanted to do was just shake the man’s hand,” Bale told a CNN camera crew he’d invited on the visit. “I wanted to tell him what an inspiration he’s been, but fuck all—those guys were distracting.”
Video footage taken by the crew and posted on the CNN website two days ago shows Bale and reporters being stopped by several security officials upon reaching the Chen home. One guard is seen trying to shove the camera away as others tug at Bale’s clothing and block his egress to the Guangcheng residence. The photogenic star’s hands remain in his pockets the entire time.
But the video posted doesn’t show what occurred next.
According to several independent eyewitnesses, the Batman actor severely beat the four security guards within his reach—then throttled six others he chased around the property.
“The good looking one just exploded in anger,” said neighboring farmer Xi-Peng Cock, whose account was translated by AIBN. “He was a white dragon of raging light and fluid motion.”
Bale, who studied various forms of martial arts for his roles in such action-heavy films as Equilibrium, applied his considerable skills on Chen’s front lawn to first disarm—and then incapacitate—an entire band of unsuspecting slopes who clearly had no idea who they were fucking with. Employing several jujitsu and Keysi fighting moves, Christian snapped the legs, forearms, and necks of his trench-coated attackers in short order—then proceeded into the humble Chinese abode for a relaxed visit with the delighted Chen.
Cameraman Tom Robinson’s recollection of the melee was more visceral.
“I thought Christian had given up,” Robinson said. “The guards were persistent, so we eventually threw up our hands and said alright—we’ve leaving peacefully.”
Which, according to Robinson and his coworkers, was when the Newsies luminary burst into action, brusquely twisting the arm of the guard closest to him. The hollow, high- pitched snap of a bone breaking was audible—the first of many to punctuate the crisp morning air outside Shandong.
The initial driveway onslaught lasted only several seconds, with Bale pirouetting through the gauntlet, his palms and fist crushing throats and hammering sternums. Automatic rifles clattered to the ground as the security team slumped one-by-one to the pavement.
“It was like the finale in Equilibrium,” described Robinson. “Only Chris didn’t even have a gun. One minute he was perfectly still—a picture of serenity. Then the next, his body is this helicopter of motion, his limbs whirling, whacking and thumping these chink clowns.”
“I’ve never seen anything like it.”
The one-sided battle has caused no small amount of consternation among high-ranking officials. Yimou’s new film, which chronicles the struggle of the Nanjing people against Japanese imperialists pre-WWII, was largely funded by the state.
“Look, I don’t give a fuck who bankrolled the movie,” deadpanned Bale, who plays a Catholic priest in Flowers. “I wanted to see Chen. I had to see him. What donshoo fuckin’ understand?”
Late reports suggest the blind activist regained his sight after the impromptu visit, during which Bale spat in Chen’s face and lovingly rubbed the saliva around his eyes.
Two security officials who survived the drubbing despite critical injuries are to be executed on Tuesday morning. Bale had no sympathetic words for the wool-suited heavies upon learning their fate.